Другие города

Одесса:‎+38 050 490 38 40
Ужгород:‎+38 066 654 17 91
Кривой Рог:+38 095 503 26 22
Нежин:+38 067 468 16 78
Львов:+38 099 733 48 25
Харьков:+38 099 733 48 25
Киев:+38 067 36 33 916
Кропивницкий:+38 066 604 32 47
Другие представительства ...

Подымаем настроение и уровень английского!

17 Октябрь 2017

Комментарии:

Off
 Октябрь 17, 2017
 Off
unnamed
Категория: новости

 

Hello dear guys!

 

Когда погода не особо нас балует теплом и солнечными днями, мы решили поднять Вам настроение и подобрали  несколько забавных анекдотов и шуток на английском языке. Совмещаем приятное с полезным и изучаем английский весело и непринужденно!

Все шутки без перевода неспроста. Во-первых, учимся понимать их юмор, т.е. американский стиль юмора. А во-вторых, тренируем свои навыки чтения и интуитивной догадки о значении содержимого.

So, let’s gо!

 An English teacher

An English teacher wrote these words on the whiteboard: «woman without her man is nothing». The teacher then asked the students to punctuate the words correctly.

The men wrote: «Woman, without her man, is nothing.»

The women wrote: «Woman! Without her, man is nothing.» 

The woman’s secret

At a dinner party, several of the guests were arguing whether men or women were more trustworthy. «No woman,» said one man, scornfully, «can keep a secret.»

«I don’t know about that,» huffily answered a woman guest. «I have kept my age a secret since I was twenty-one.»

«You’ll let it out some day,» the man insisted.

«I hardly think so!» responded the lady. «When a woman has kept a secret for twenty-seven years, she can keep it forever.» 

Snake joke

First snake: I hope I’m not poisonous.

Second snake: Why?

First snake: Because I bit my lip!

 A panda bear walks into a restaurant

A panda bear walks into a restaurant. He orders the special and eats it.
After eating, he pulls out a pistol, kills the waiter and starts to walk out the door.

The owner of the restaurant says, «Hey, what are you doing? You come in here, you kill my waiter and walk away without saying a word. I don’t understand.»

The panda says, «Look it up in the dictionary,» and walks out of the door.

So the owner gets out a dictionary and looks under the heading ‘Panda’. It reads:
‘Panda black and white animal; lives in central China; eats shoots and leaves*.

*игра слов («ест проростки, побеги и листья» пишется одинаково, как и «ест, стреляет и уходит») 

Doing the right thing

Son: Mom, when I was on the bus with Dad this morning, he told me to give up my seat to a lady.

Mum: Well, you have done the right thing.

Son: But mom, I was sitting on daddy’s lap. 

The Barber Shop

This guy sticks his head into a barber shop and asks, «How long before I can get a haircut?» The barber looks around the shop and says, «About 2 hours.» The guy leaves. A few days later the same guy sticks his head in the door and asks, «How long before I can get a haircut?» The barber looks around at shop full of customers and says, «About 2 hours.» The guy leaves.

A week later the same guy sticks his head in the shop and asks, «How long before I can get a haircut?» The barber looks around the shop and says, «About an hour and a half.» The guy leaves.

The barber looks over at a friend in the shop and says, «Hey, Bill, follow that guy and see where he goes.» In a little while, Bill comes back into the shop laughing hysterically. The barber asks, «Bill, where did he go when he left here?» Billlookedupandsaid, «Toyourhouse.»

Pet owners

There’s a guy with a Doberman Pinscher and a guy with a Chihuahua. The guy with the Doberman Pinscher says to the guy with a Chihuahua, ‘Let’s go over to that restaurant and get something to eat.’

The guy with the Chihuahua says, ‘We can’t go in there. We’ve got dogs with us.’

The guy with the Doberman Pinscher says, ‘Just follow my lead.’

They walk over to the restaurant, the guy with the Doberman Pinscher puts on a pair of dark glasses, and he starts to walk in. A guy at the door says, ‘Sorry, mac, no pets allowed.’

The guy with the Doberman Pinscher says, ‘You don’t understand. This is my seeing-eye dog.’

The guy at the door says, ‘A Doberman Pinscher?’ He says, ‘Yes, they’re using them now, they’re very good.’

The guy at the door says, ‘Come on in.’

The guy with the Chihuahua figures, ‘What the hell,’ so he puts on a pair of dark glasses and starts to walk in.

The guy at the door says, ‘Sorry, pal, no pets allowed.’

The guy with the Chihuahua says, ‘You don’t understand. This is my seeing-eye dog.’

The guy at the door says, ‘A Chihuahua?’

The guy with the Chihuahua says, ‘You mean they gave me a Chihuahua?’ 

A duck in the shop

A duck walks into a shop and asks the manager:
-Got any fresh fruit?
-No.
-Got any fresh vegetables?
-No. We have only dry goods.

The next day the duck returns:
-Got any fresh fruit?
-No.
-Got any fresh vegetables?
-No. I told you yesterday, we have only dry goods. If you come back tomorrow and ask me the same question, I will feed you with nails!
On 3rd day the duck walks in and asks:
-Got any nails?
-No.
-Got any fresh fruit?

A talking Frog

A man was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him and said, «If you kiss me, I’ll turn into a beautiful princess.» He bent over, picked up the frog, and put it in his pocket.

The frog spoke up again and said, «If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will tell everyone how smart and brave you are and how you are my hero» The man took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it, and returned it to his pocket.

The frog spoke up again and said, «If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will be your loving companion for an entire week.» The man took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it, and returned it to his pocket.

The frog then cried out, «If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I’ll stay with you for a year and do ANYTHING you want.» Again the man took the frog out, smiled at it, and put it back into his pocket.

Finally, the frog asked, «What is the matter? I’ve told you I’m a beautiful princess that I’ll stay with you for a year and do anything you want. Why won’t you kiss me?»

The man said, «Look, I’m a computer programmer. I don’t have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog is cool.»

Why study?

The more we study, the more we know
The more we know, the more we forget
The more we forget, the less we know
the less we know, the less we forget
The less we forget, the more we know
Why study?

 

Забавно, не так ли? Поэтому, давайте чаще улыбаться и разбавлять свой процесс изучения английского веселыми шутками и анекдотами,  использовать их в компании друзей во время посиделок и разговорной практики на английском!

 

Bye-bye for now!

 

Comments are closed.